Tastes Like Chicken
by theboardwalkbody
Summary: A people under the stairs ficlet.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own The People Under the Stairs, but I do own the original characters Tommy and Timmy. For the record Stairmaster is the actual name for the person under the stairs with the blonde-ish hair who showed Fool where the gold was towards the end of the movie. True stuff. Thanks !

This story was inspired by the song "A Little Priest" from the Sweeney Todd soundtrack.

Please review.

* * *

Did you ever wonder if people's professions determined how they tasted? No, you probably haven't. These people have though. What people you ask? Why the people under the stairs of course. You see, their entire diet consists of human flesh. It's either that or starve to death. So what exactly do people taste like?

Twins Tommy and Timmy were relatively good boys. They lived in a big house, and never had to worry about going to school, or getting lost outside. That is, until one day when Mommy caught them "seeing evil". Then they both had their eyes cut out and were thrown in the basement.

Now what could be bad about the basement you ask? Well if the house was a tomb, then the basement was a grave. If you were ever thrown into the basement, you never got out. You died there. Plenty of children already had, and who knew how many more would be sent down there. When you were thrown in the basement there were only a few key rules.

One; do not upset Stairmaster. Stairmaster was the oldest kid in the basement and he is believed to be somewhere in his early twenties. He was the boss. If you didn't cross him then he would protect you, and would not hurt you. If you did however, then there was a big chance that you were going to be what was for dinner.

Two; Eat or Be Eaten. Plain and simple. If you didn't eat, you would die. If you died, then you were going to be eaten. It's a simple and primitive rule, but it was very important.

Three; don't be loud. If you were too loud Mommy and Daddy would hear you. If Mommy and Daddy heard you, then they would get mad and they would kill you. Then you would be eaten.

But back to Tommy and Timmy. They were thrown into the basement early one morning in the first week of March. At first they were too scared and repulsed to eat. But after a day or two of not eating they were beginning to get real hungry.

"Tommy I'm hungry." Timmy said. It was the first thing he said since they were thrown in the basement.

"Me too Tommy." His twin replied.

"What do you think they taste like?" Timmy asked.

"Timmy!" Tommy yelled so loud that the sound scared him and caused several of the other people under the stairs to stare at him though he couldn't see it.

"I'm sorry Tommy. I'm just so hungry." Timmy whispered.

The two of them sat there in silence for a minute. Several of the other people looked at each other and laughed silently. They knew what people tasted like, and found it amusing that these two boys were so afraid of eating. Then each of them remembered how they felt when they were first thrown down into this dark, dirty, crowded hole of a basement and they stopped laughing.

"I bet the plumber tastes bad." Tommy said breaking the silence and trying to humor his twin.

"Why?" Timmy asked, confused.

"They fix toilets." Tommy answered. "I bet they taste like poop."

That sentence made the other people laugh again even though they were trying not to. They felt a little bad for the twins, but hey, everyone went through this. They couldn't be too nice about it.

"What about mailmen?" Timmy asked.

"They probably taste like the glue on the envelopes." Tommy said. "What about those people who come to tell us about religions?"

"I think they'd be too skinny to eat. You know, since they walk a lot." Timmy said.

"True. What about the electricity guys?" Tommy asked.

"They'd probably electrocute us." Timmy answered. "What about the burglars?"

"Maybe they taste good." Timmy said.

"Or maybe it depends on how mean they are and stuff. Maybe being meaner makes them tougher to chew." Tommy said.

At this point Stairmaster who was trying so hard not to listen in and laugh at them could no longer help it. He let out a laugh that caused everyone to stare at him. He never laughed. Tommy and Timmy stopped their conversation until they heard him walk away.

"I think we should try it." Timmy continued. "Or else we'll die."

"Okay. I guess we have to." Tommy said.

Their first meal came a day and a half later. They were so hungry that when everyone else started eating, so did they. They dug in and grabbed what they could to eat without even feeling sorry about it. They had learned the second most important rule. Eat or be eaten.

"What do you think he was?" asked Timmy.

"A farmer." Tommy replied.

"Why a farmer?" Timmy asked.

"He tasted like chicken." Tommy said.


End file.
